Truth with Dr. Dara
Posting of the Week
Dear Dr. Dara,
My son is having extremely high levels of anxiety. He’s a high achiever, always has been, and the thought of anything less is not an option for him. His anxiety over school and future possibilities is to the point where it is physically “hurting” him. He is having migraines, stomach aches, loss of appetite, and is grouchy. He is not himself! He has gone to the clinic on campus and all they suggest is to begin take medication to “calm” his anxiety. That is an option, but not a solution.
Please tell me, what can I do to help him cope with this crazed anxiety?
Thank you so much for the question. Watch the video response on dealing with a dissatisfied life.
Make shiFt happen,
VIEW THE QUESTION
Dear Dr. Dara,
I am 30 yrs old. I have gone to school, actually have my major in one career and minor in another. I have changed career minimum 2/3x just in the past 3-5 yrs. Neither in path of my major. I’m at a pretty good salary and exteriorly it seems I’ve got it all BUT… I feel so far from that truth. I feel empty. I don’t feel satisfied with this career; doesn’t fulfill or make me feel as if I’m making a difference in others lives.
However, my parents and family love proclaiming the successfulness of me. Inside, I’m wanting to do more but between my family and my own inner voice saying this is what “success looks like” to others. Not too mention I am so dissatisfied with my outside appearance, even after cosmetic surgery. It’s just piling up and I don’t know how to get out of this all. What do I do? Why can’t I just be ‘okay’ with just being this me? Why do I fear being anything other than who I am “expected” to be?
Thank you so much for the question. Watch the video response to learn to deal with holiday anxiety.
Make shiFt happen,
How can you give yourself the self care and rest you need in the midst of an overwhelming, nonstop amount of responsibilities? Watch this video to find out.
Make shiFt happen,
Join my TRIBE and hear all the tips to make self care be a part of your lifestyle.
Thank you so much for being brave enough to ask what is on the mind of so many.
Absolutely no one is at risk or more vulnerable to being assaulted or harassed. The biggest shame of sexual assault or abuse is a victim thinking they are at fault or they could have done something differently during the situation than they did. The shame a victim feels leads them to not report the incident(s). Sexual assault is likely the most under-reported crime in the United States. About two-thirds of female sexual assault victims do not report to the police, and many victims do not tell anyone. Sexual assault is a terrifying and viewed as a humiliating experience. The healing pattern or time varies for each person. No one heals or has the same experience or perception of sexual abuse or assault the same. Everyone does it in their own way.
The highest reported age of incidence is of teenagers during the developmental stage of exploring and determining one’s identity, a time when many teenagers do not feel comfortable discussing any sexual issues with their parents, let alone an assault.
Yes, victims can recover physically, emotionally, and physiologically from sexual harassment or assault. Memories do not get erased, but mind can be made to have indifference and have a discontinuation of emotional responses when data/memories do come up.
While memory of past day-to-day events is often poor, research has shown that memory of traumatic events is stored differently in the brain. Clients describe some memories being so emotionally charged that they become frozen in time, and some particulars can be recalled in excruciating detail, as if the event just occurred, while others may be forgotten. Mind or memory gets stuck reading past data/information as being current.
In my opinion, traditional therapy may often re-traumatize or trigger past events causing disturbing thoughts and emotions. With Rapid Resolution Therapy, brain is notified painlessly that the thoughts are from the past event and presently there is nothing that needs to be done. Clients are left no longer identifying them self as the trauma. Mind identifies and categorizes it as event that happened, but is not “who they are” and there is recognition that they had nothing to do with what they did or did not do during the trauma.
In health and happiness,
Thank you for the awesome and sincere question. You are asking what so many are thinking and feeling.
If you and I went for a walk, we would talk. If we went to the most amazing beach or behind dumpsters, we would still talk while walking. Then, before long, we would look down at our watch and 10, 15, 20, maybe even 30 minutes will have passed. We will have talked, connected and YOU WILL HAVE MOVED AND EXERCISED!
After, you will not have said, “I wish I had not done that” or “that was awful”. What we would do is set up a time to meet and do it again, because it was nice and it was good to have done.
Let’s not even try to make a relationship with exercise. In fact, for a few moments lets try not to even ‘exercise’ at all. Let’s just try to think how you love being outside and playing with your kids, how a friend of yours likes swimming and hanging out with friends, and maybe how a cousin of yours likes doing yoga and loves Reiki.
Let’s just do more of what we like and call it a day. Forget trying to love exercise! I mean who says we have to exercise anyway. Sure it is optimal, but the more I keep telling myself ‘I have to’ exercise the less likely I will want to do it, nor will doing it happen with ease. Without knowing you, my guess is if I told you, ‘you HAVE to’ run 3 miles or do push ups, you would look at me with a death stare.
I don’t love brushing my teeth, I just do it two times a day because I know there are benefits. However, I could be doing other things with my time besides brushing my teeth! Sometimes it even hurts, but I still do it the next day despite the discomfort.
I understand I am annoyingly positive about the whole exercise thing and it seems it happens with ease for me. For many years there were components of exercise I did not love and often felt imprisoned to do it. If I didn’t I would have thoughts, “I was bad or I would get fat”. Now, it comes natural to do because I know it is only an option, not a requirement.
What is exercise anyway? It can be walking a few more spots in the parking lot, taking a flight of stairs, walking and talking on the phone, vacuuming, dancing, walking your dog, playing with a child… let’s not even think about naming it ‘exercise.’
What is something you can do that would get you moving a bit more? Just a little bit more… One efforts worth of more!
Make shiFt happen,
First, love the name and thank you for the sincere question, So many others can relate! Congratulations on the walks with your pup, you are both so lucky to have a special connection and a consistent walk plan.
Let’s not even address whether you are experiencing an eating disorder or disordered eating. Typically the distinction of the two is whether the shift in eating patterns can be enhanced with an increase of education, hence disordered eating. If someone has an absorbent amount of knowledge, feels like they have tried everything, have difficulties regulating emotions around this topic, and feel pre-occupied around food, their weight, or eating that it keeps them disengaged or unable to be active in their life, then there is the tendency toward eating disorder.
I am thinking being consistent with your pup did not happen overnight. I have dogs, it takes work and effort. I am sure as your efforts increased little by little together to create the constant now. Let’s create a bridge moving towards fueling your mind and fueling your body, but we don’t have to re-invent the wheel. I propose we increase water consumption by one glass a day and begin with eating breakfast. Do the rest of your day just as you have, but be committed to eating in the beginning of your day. You can eat dinner for breakfast, just eat something! Starting the day with food will stabilize blood sugar levels physically and emotionally start consistent habits. Most often eating mass amounts of food or binging (feeling like the Tasmanian Devil with your head spinning) is occurring because mind and body are not satiated- YOU ARE HUNGRY!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I hear “I tried to not eat”, “I cut the carbs”, “make my portions smaller” or “I overate or binged“. Basically, they set themselves up for failure by not being satiated. As you described, you go all day and don’t eat, and then BAM!
If you mess up anywhere along the day with your meals… pick it up right there. When we feel we have failed we vow how we will change the world tomorrow. Start right in that moment. Drink a glass of water and keep going. Just keep on swimming!
Let me throw out a few alternative suggestions to increase the bridge and optimize energy, lock in consistant eating patterns, and kick food pre-occupation to the curb.
I am only looking for 1 or 2 of the below to stick or feel like it might fit.
Think like I am offering you an assortment of new shirts. See which one you would like to try on and if it is something you would wear. It does not have to be the last shirt you ever buy or the only one you wear. Just a new shirt to try out…
* Eat foods that are not in a package, box, bag, or any sort of sealed container. Eat from the ground, off the tree, fly in the air, or swim in the sea. REAL FOOD!
* Pre-plan your meals for the day- doing it with a friend can be much more fun too!
* Before shoveling down deep dish pizza, ask yourself “would it be good to have eaten?” Would fresh fruits, vegetables, dairy, lean proteins, and good sources of fat and starch “be good to have eaten”?
* Eat every four to five hours during your wake time to keep blood sugars stabilized and your sanity level!
* Drink lots of water throughout the day- 8 cups of 8 ounces.
* Eat your food on a plate while SITTING DOWN!
* Eat a variety of foods- boring foods=boring meals=no eating=potential overeating=NO BUENO!
Look forward to hearing back from you how your bridge is giving you some SANITY around “the food” topic!
Making shiFt happen,
I am thinking, how about you do nothing with them. I know they can be invasive and annoying, but they are just thoughts, or even facts, but they are not truths.
If I ask you to think of a really yummy cookie, you would think of a yummy cookie. If I then asked you to stop thinking of the yummy cookie, your mind will keep thinking of the yummy cookie. Mind does not respond to the “NO” or “DON’T.”
Mind only hears the command.
For example, when you watch your favorite movie and are absolutely focused, there is no distraction. Now, imagine watching it with commercials. I believe our minds think like a movie with commercials!
You watch the movie and 3 commercials come on totaling 90 seconds of “distraction.” Within 90 seconds you have been triggered and sent on an emotional rollercoaster. Each of the reminders were at a level below conscious mind. You did not wake up thinking about the person that dumped you in 7th grade!
Meanwhile, your favorite movie comes back on and you dive right back into it as there was no interruption. That is how our minds work. Things come up, and it does not mean there is anything for us to do with it, but acknowledge and notice it as it is.
Just because you want to eat something or look different doesn’t mean you are good or bad, or it is the truth. It is just a thought, and there is nothing to do with it.
Don’t even try not to think about it. It is what it is… thoughts.
In health, happiness, and fleeing thoughts,